When You Know She's Mad

Did You Forget Her Birthday?

Bad move Nimrod. This one is almost too stupid to talk about here. She only has one birthday a year. Find out her birth date and WRITE IT DOWN. The Calendar Is Your Friend! Assuming you have some type of calendar; paper, electronic or written on the walls of your cave (if you truly haven’t discovered technology yet), there’s no reason to ever forget it again. This is bad but it’s fixable.

Is today her birthday? If it’s not evening yet you still have time to save the day, but you have to act fast. Quickly put together a romantic dinner at her favorite restaurant or have it catered at home.

Was her birthday yesterday? Worse, but still fixable. Look at the calendar (sorry, we’ve already determined that you don’t know how to use a calendar). Ask someone what day of the week it is.There’s a 71% chance that it’s a weekday. You’re just going to move dinner to the weekend. Of course, since you have more time to plan, it had better be more elaborate. Invite another couple or two and now it’s a surprise party.

Was it a week ago or longer? Then you’re screwed.Admit that you’re an unfeeling emotionally deprived moron and never really deserved any one as special as she is.Make her believe that you really mean it and that it will never happen again. Now it’s time to make it up to her and the more elaborate and expensive the gift the better. If you can’t console her with chocolates, delight her with diamonds.